"You should not hold a fart in; it travels up your spine and in to your brain. That's where crappy ideas come from."
"Be the kind of woman that when you put your feet on the floor, the devil says 'oh crap, she's up!'"
"If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, and spoons make people fat."
We get this catalog every month or so and it always has funny sayings.